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3.27.2006

Narcolepsy Lotion...

I'm sure you've seen the very awkward commercials featuring Felicity Huffman for Dove's new line of products called "Calming Night." When she starts to talk, I think she's going to tell me about some ailment affecting children in Zimbabwe that need my cash (a la old school Struthers). The commerical is actually targeting CEO's (Chief 'Everything' Officers) of the household...the moms. Nice...now Dove is punching me in the neck for being single and childless too. Darn you, Dove!

Moving on...while in Wal-Mart yesterday a girl asked me if I wanted to try a sample of the item. I asked her if I would fall asleep behind the wheel...she didn't even attempt a giggle. She just looked at me blankly, I figure she'd been injecting the stuff in the backroom! Of course I complied and I tried a little, and being the product "whoo-re" that I am I proceeded to put one bottle of lotion in my cart. I honestly thought that perhaps it was some Apprentice task and I just wanted to be on TV:) I used some of the lotion last night, just on my shoulders and arms. I didn't know how potent this stuff would be! My head hit the pillow and I fell asleep HARD! I didn't think I'd make it out of bed this morning...I had to crawl to the shower to get the junk off me! My alarm went off at 6 and I couldn't move! I played "Randy" and layed there like a slug, it was my only defense. No lie, it's like they ground up Oxycontin and made it into lotion. The second the stuff gets sucked into your pores you're a gonner. I'll have to go to Dove Rehab...they'll discontinue the line after I get hooked and can no longer self medicate with soap! I'll lose everything because of this stuff.


So, I highly recommend it. Hopefully you know I'm being a little silly...but it really did knock me out so be careful! Especially if you've heard any recent reports on the effects of sleep aid drugs like Ambien. I don't want people being pulled over for sleeping behind the wheel and blaming me...so take necessary precautions. Get one of those car alarm thingamahoosies you put on your ear that goes off if you lower your head past a certain point...tell 'em Reesie sent you!!

In all seriousness, if you'd like to try a free sample click on the picture link above and you can check out the "joy of soap medicating" yourself!!

6 Comments:

At 7:18 PM, Blogger LizFwiz said...

I hope this stuff works, I've been using every over the counter and RX sleep medicine just to get one night's sleep. I wake up on the clock every 3 hours. I filled out my free sample, can't wait for it to arrive. Where was this crap when I was working overnights??

 
At 2:46 PM, Blogger Juanita J. Sanchez said...

OMG! Where do I sign up? I neeeeeeeeeed some Dove. Need. It. Right. Now.

 
At 7:49 PM, Blogger lms129 said...

I am sure the DOVE had nothing to do with the 3 vicodins that you took while watching Little House. Seriously, be careful with that dove lotion. You will end up like the character played by River Pheonix in My Own Private Idaho with the narcolepsy.

 
At 9:47 PM, Blogger LizFwiz said...

You should have posted the picture of Peggy when she was meditating by the pool, that was hysterical. Remember she used to put her hands up and say ooooouuuummmm!

 
At 11:20 PM, Blogger Juanita J. Sanchez said...

Oh hell! You failed to mention the vicodin. I thought you were really on to something. I actually trotted right down to my local drug store to get some Olay, but they don't have it yet! Then I tried to buy it online...no luck. Oh well, my sample is coming, in four to six stinking weeks! Have you ever considered a career in advertising?

 
At 11:38 PM, Blogger Mo said...

Juanita...I swear no vicodin was involved!! I can't wait to get my free sample...but the lotion is magic! I swear to God!! I put some on a few minutes ago and I can barely see the screen...I should get to bed now where it's safe:)

 

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