REESE wins the Oscar!!

Witherspoon that is. Aww. Poor Reesie...overlooked again!! Reese W. deserved to win though, that movie was amazing. I was totally spellbound...I may purchase that one too! Joaquin was ROBBED. He WAS Johnny Cash in that movie...seriously it was bordering on creepy. So now that the 2006 Oscars are over for the year, I think it's time we start a new awards "show" called "The Reesies!!" I believe that now I will be analyzing the awards shows from here on out...the ones I can stay awake for. So let us start with The Academy Awards 2006. Lemme break it down fo' ya...

BEST DRESSED: Ben Stiller in the green unitard explaining the magic of the "green screen." Freaking priceless.

HOTTEST WINNER WHO SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN AN OSCAR FOR THE OPENING SEGMENT ALONE:

George Clooney. Yum Yum...give me SOME! I truly believe the film Goodnight and Good Luck was outstanding, and that something should have been given an award...but he'll have to settle with a "Reesie." Seriously, George...you can settle in with me anytime!!

MOST UNCOMFORTABLE/UNACCEPTABLE PERFORMANCE BY A SENIOR CITIZEN:

Dolly Parton. Seriously-this woman is 9,000 years old and looks like she spends all her "down time" on the set of Nip/Tuck. I mean...good for her that she's still kickin', but Jeez...could you dress a little more age appropriate. She looked like a drag version of herself, which actually is fitting seeing as her song was for the movie 'TransAmerica" about transvestites. Still...it was embarrassing. The crowd was silent, mostly because I think they thought she would be in the "In Memoriam" montage!

BEST DRESS IN CASE YOU GET TIRED AND NEED A NAP:

Charlize Theron. Seriously, if she needed to nod off during someone's acceptance speech she could just arch her head and she had a pillow right there. Night night, babies.

MOST OVERLOOKED IN THE "IN MEMORIUM" MONTAGE:

Don Knotts. The Incredible Mr. Limpet was NOT included in the "In Memorium" montage. Shameful. He's a legend, and should have been treated as such.

BEST RECOVERY FROM A POTENTIALLY EMBARRASSING SITUATION:Jennifer Garner tripped on her dress on her way out to the microphone to present whatever it was she was presenting. When she gracefully got to the mike (it wasn't more than a slip), she said "I do all my own stunts." I love her, and look at her after having a baby! Seriously, it could have been bad...epecially with J-Lo sitting in the audience! But who cares...she's got Ben and a baby, and J-Lo's got that other guy who beat his other wife. I say J-G wins this round!

BEST DICK CHENEY JOKE:The host, Jon Stewart said "Bjork couldn't be here tonight because she went hunting with Dick Cheney." Nuff said.

MOST UNETHICALLY ROBBED OF BEST ACTOR STATUETTE:

Joaquin Phoenix for his work in "Walk the Line" as Johnny Cash. This is no joke folks...he should have won. I hate this picture becaus it's the only one I can find of him at the Oscars, and "the other Reese" waves her trophy in his face. I think I heard he was going to go find those "pimp" guys and get some pointers from them...

CREEPIEST EYEBROWS:Seriously, it's bad enough that you're enduring all the "gay cowboy" jokes. Do the homosexual community some justice and learn how to groom yourself. Honestly, you could be very handsome...well you could have been until Gene Shallit said you came off as a "sexual predator." Wow...maybe it's NOT the eyebrows...perhaps I'm just extremely influenced by the opinions put forth by Gene Shallit. I'm even more frightened.

"I STOLE CUBA GOODING JR.'S FACE...NOW I WILL TAKE OVER HIS IDENTITY": This is Terrence Howard...NOT Cuba Gooding, Jr. I got confused...one has a hard time "bein' a pimp." The other just wants Jerry Maguire to "show him the money." Hey...maybe they can learn from each other. Aww...teamwork!

CUTEST COUPLE:OOPS!! Sorry...that was a typo...I meant Cutest WEIRDO Couple. They were followed a close second by Phillip Seymour Hoffman and his mum...but Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton take the whackadoo cake:)

MOST INAPPROPRIATE USE OF PLEATHER:
Carla Gugino. I saw this picture and fell out of my chair laughing. Seriously...why would you even do this to yourself? Why not just give Joan Rivers the rocks to throw at you??

BEST NAME OF A "BEST ACTRESS" WINNER:
REESE Witherspoon of course!