9021...uh oh!

It’s taken me a few days to process the New 90210. At first I think I was so smitten by the idea of the show that I was completely blind to it’s failure. I received several text messages from friends that were absolutely disillusioned by it...but I hung in. The entire two hours. I even tried to support it the next day...but I the more I tried to come to it's defense...the reality became more blatant.

It totally sucks.

The sad thing is it’s trying so hard to be the classic (*please note that I changed the word "old" to "classic" here because if I say that it's "old" that means I too am "old" and I'm NOT going down that road!) show and the new version, independent of the "classic," at the same time. The war between the new and the "classic" is the absolute cause of a major breakdown. I mean come on, we’ve been watching promos all summer for this show and I just envisioned something…well…less crappy! The only good thing about it is the drunk Nana...she's brilliant!

Here’s the thing, Classic 90210 wasn’t known for it’s brilliant writing or stunningly talented actors either. But that was the 90’s, and television media has come a long way since “Donna Martin Graduates!” New 9-0 is seriously flawed. Honestly, if you are going to start a new program in the season following a writer’s strike that just about murdered any potential of new shows succeeding…shouldn’t it, at the very very least, be a little less hack? Isn't that what the fight was all about? It's not an episode of Passions...it has the name 90210 attached to it. Have some class! It was like watching a collage of ads for all those other teen shows…you know Gossip Girl and the like. Maybe that was the point of it? Like one of those “Scary Movie” type rip-off/make fun of movies? I don’t know…bottom line…it was baaaaad.

I really did want it to be good…probably because of all the memories I have of Classic 90210. All of us convening in the lounge at Saint Mary’s with those AWFUL couches that looked like cardboard and potato sacks sewed together. Watching in awe as Kelly went from bitchy beast, to the girl everyone wanted to date. Please...remember when Dylan and Brandon fought over her…and she said “I choose ME!” Unforgettable!! Or when she had the coke problem because of Colin (there's a funny story involving pixie sticks and school id's...but I won't get into that now)? Or Donna getting pushed down the stairs by Ray? Is that really the way you talk to an angel, Ray? Or Kelly and David having to learn to be brother and sister? Steve getting them to go to a rave where they were only allowed in with an egg? Emily going batshit crazy on Brandon?? Or when they started featuring music and Donna would go to the jukebox and say "Jeremy Jordan...alright!" Dylan hitting "rock bottom" one week, and "an all time low" the very next? Or the summer we were blessed with new episodes while Brandon waited on his friends at the Beach Club? 90210 and Melrose Place also brought us the "previews" for the next week. I still remember being in the lounge when the credits started and Kim B standing up...raising her arms like she was Moses parting the seas pronouncing "SSSSHH...SCEEEEEEEEEEEEEENES!!!" Bottom line...even adding "classic" cast members...I'm pretty sure unless they make some major changes (and I'm thinking that they would literally have to resurrect Scott Scanlon at this point)...New 9-0 is headed for the crapper.

Of course I could be completely wrong...and if by some fart's chance in a windstorm this actually succeeds...then it could start a whole new trend of bringing back revered television shows. If that is the case...my vote the next one is either Dawson's Creek or Little House. Or, they could just crossbreed them both...that would still be better than New 9-0. Eek.