What's the happs...?

My "vacationus interruptus" ended today. Translation: I left vacation to come back and work Orientation. I'm awesome and dedicated. Where's my raise? Orientation is now over and I can commence in the joy of not working again. Love it!

Anyhoo...as I venture out for part deux of vacation...I thought since I'm on a roll blogging this week (two days in a row!! wooo!!) I'd give you a few tidbits to chew on whilst I'm burning on the Beach of Cocoa. I better be burning anyway...the forecast...it does not look good.

a) Since I've moved to Florida I've become reacquainted with my good friends from Salem via "Days of Our Lives." Maybe obsessed is a better word. It all started when I was living in the Casa De Crap hotel. I found it one day...saw that "Patch/Steve" was back...they showed some clips that made me feel really old because...sigh...I remember when they originally aired. Seriously, like I remember being enamored with the giant bangs and floral print Mormon style frocks they wore on the show. Such style! THEN, they threw in a twist of a plane crash...brutal. It took 2 weeks for the plane to actually hit the ground from when they first experienced issues...but that's all in soap time anyway. I'd go from laughing at the consistently poor acting, to (yep, I'm admitting it) a face soaked with tears when Grampa Shawn died...so his family could live...a point they re-iterated for the following 4 months over and over and over again. Writer's strike...whaaaat? John Black has had his memory erased...by Stefano...again. This time it's for keepers. John is not the nice guy everyone knows him to be anymore...which just means he gets to act weirder, creepier, and can once again pull off his patented "smell the fart" acting. Solid. My favorite "twist" thus far is the relationship between Max Brady and his girlfriend Stephanie. Some of my friends know the issue I have with this...but you be the judge. Maybe I'm just being a prude...but I'm going to say I'm ok with that. See...Max is the adopted brother of Kayla Brady Johnson...Stephanie's mom. Seriously, I don't care that he's adopted and they aren't blood related...they are Uncle and Niece and that's just too weird. AND it's the second of his niece's that he's dated. Say it with me people....NOOOOO! I'm telling you, start to Tivo or DVR this classic program. The acting is GOD-awful...but at least it remains consistent. Oh, and I tried to get back into Guiding Light...but Reva was wearing the same outfit as someone on The Girls Next Door would wear and Josh is now a "man of the cloth." Again...all together now...NOOOOOO!!

2) I know you all know that I pledge allegiance to the United Bliss of Bare Escentuals. However, I just can't get down with their mascara choices. Sorry, Leslie...but I have to tell the truth! I kind of like the "weather everything," but it's a pain in the arse to get off at night. All the other ones I find that I'm wearing under my eyes at the end of the day. I need a mascara that will not make me look like I've "gone rounds" especially when Jose Cuervo was not even involved. So, one day I'm watching TV (surprise!) and Eva Longoria tells me that she's using L'Oreal's Voluminous mascara AND that it "doesn't flake off." I've got no reason to doubt Ms. Longoria-Parker. I mean, she did "date" JC Chasez at one time. Seriously. No seriously...stop laughing!!! Anyhoo...magically at Target, that brand was on sale...so I've tried it and I'm telling you now that it's the best mascara I've used. Seriously, I'm sharing the info with the world because you should all know. I've had my eyelashes dyed in the past, and I felt that was a stupid decision. It hurt way too much to be worth it...EVER. And I just don't think my lashes ever recovered from the "trauma." If I'm investing the time and money in the shadows that I'm using...I want a mascara that's going to highlight the achievement! I'm sick of trying to pry clumped lashes from each other...it's weird and I just don't like it. So if you are ever so inclined to try Voluminous I think you should. Then you can feel pretty! Drewbie...I know that you don't use mascara...well, I don't "know" that...but if you ever feel so inclined...no judgement...just try Voluminous and you won't be disappointed. Allison might be...but that's something you would have to work out...and I'll be here for you both:)

d) I've actually gotten away from the TV this summer! I know!!!!! You're shocked and a little freaked right?!?! I can hardly believe it my damn self!! Brace yourselves, peeps...I've been...READING!! Actual books!! Not just magazines and online gossip about Madonna and A-Rod (scumbag)!

When my friend Nikki came to visit last month she told me about Charlaine Harris and her Southern vampire mystery novels. I had a gift card from B&N (shhhh!) and purchased the first 3 of the series. Nikki and I have a lot of common interests...so I trusted her judgment and recommendation. OF COURSE, she was right. The first book, Dead Until Dark, was creepy and funny, and I couldn't put it down. I read to day that the series will be on TV in the fall on HBO...it's called True Blood. Guess who's gonna have to get HBO? Seriously, I need an intervention! I was very excited to read the second installation, but in the store we got a book for our Bestseller display entitled "Such a Pretty Fat," by Jen Lancaster. Without doubt the funniest book I have ever read. It's a memoir of the author's attempt to lose weight. Every page I read made me want to be friends with this woman. I legitimately laughed out loud throughout the book. Several of my friends went out and bought it too and now we've moved on to (at least I have) one of Lancaster's previous books "Bitter is the New Black." To us, Lancaster is "the new Black." Seriously, I cannot emphasize enough how brutally funny this book is. Reading it your head will hurt from laughing, and your neck will hurt from all the nodding in agreement. It's a literal instance of "it's funny because it's true." Invest in some Depends undergarments...I'm just saying...

@) Are you more shocked that I actually read two books this summer and we're only mid-way through July (I only work in a bookstore...pssh...whatever!)...or that I went on for 2 whole paragraphs about mascara and Days of Our Lives? Yes, I'm a mess...but that's what keeps you reading:)

PS) Also...you all MUST watch Bridezillas on WE. It's on Sundays at 9pm Eastern. Last week's episode will be repeated at 8pm on this Sunday. YOU MUST WATCH. Must is not a "guideline" or "suggestion," it is a demand. I think last week's episode was my favorite of all time. If you saw it...was "Irony Cam" not one of the greatest things ever on this show!? If you haven't...I promise you "guffaws" of laughter. If you do not laugh I cannot be responsible for the fact you have no sense of humor.

PPS) At orientation today I saw a kid with a Red Sox hat. All red, fitted. His ensemble was a white t-shirt and blue jeans. I asked if he was from Boston and he said "No, I'm not even a fan...I just wore this cuz it matched."

Excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me? Yes, while I agree that all fashion should include Red Sox paraphernalia as everyone should love the Sox with all their souls...at this point that hasn't been declared a law yet...regardless of how I feel. I think you should have to at least like the Red Sox to wear their moniker...am I right? Meh. Happy All-Star Break!

Alright, no more procrastination...the dryer just ended and I must finish packing so I can "go Cocoa" tomorrow!