Truth be told...

I've never been fond of Thanksgiving...ever. It's crazy...we're up at the crack of dawn and sitting in traffic for hours on end. I don't remember the last time I actually saw the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade as it was actually happening. People start fighting for no good reason, simply because they have lost focus and their ability to reason because they are in agony from sitting in all that traffic whilst their bladders have all but exploded on the Tobin Bridge. But as I'm growing older, I'm realizing how fun the day can actually be...not the bladder exploding part though. That is never good. I enjoy the opportunity to see my family, especially my Nana who this year really has cause to celebrate after the year she has had. Of course, last year will always be the Thanksgiving that everyone in my family will remember...except for me!

I can make this promise, there will not be a repeat of last year's "performance." For those of you not in "the know," my Thanksgiving last year was amazing...or so I'm told!

It started off well enough, my parents and Peggy and I went to my Nana's in my dad's brand new Honda Pilot with leather interior...I think most of you know where I'm going with this...but keep that little tidbit in mind. So, we get to Nana's condo and my aunt and her family are already there. The running tally of people at this point is Nana (1), My family (4), my aunt's family (4) for a total of 9. Wow...I can add...but at this stage in the game that is still pretty good for me! My Nana's condo is about the size of a Ford we're already getting pretty interesting crowd wise.

This is a bird's eye view of the action, or chaos, that takes place. What you can't see is another whole corner of people that have to sit at a coffee table to eat. Actually just seeing this makes me wish it was already Thursday!

Then it happened...someone approached me with wine and asked me to partake...Happy Thanksgiving, everybody! Apparently I decided to make my own little drinking bottle drunk for every guest in the joint. This, sad to say, is no exaggeration. In the next hour or so, or crate of wine or so...more family started to arrive...including my "supplier for the day," cousin Scottie (drink) well as my brother Bobby(drink)...other cousins and boyfriends and spouses and friends and aunts and uncles joined in too (just keep drinking). My cousin Sean, who I hadn't seen since Jesus was a toddler, was home for the holidays from the war. It was shaping up to be a very nice reunion...but that wine was flowing...and that changed the course of, well, everything.

I had a lot of wine that day...a lot. It was unseasonably warm, or my Irish blood was reacting to the gallons of booze I "unknowingly" managed to consume. Either way, Scottie and I spent most of the day outside Nana's door. I realized or figured out at some point that Scottie hoarded all the wine in the bushes for me to imbibe. Brilliant! And the more people got pissed because we were seemingly out of wine...the funnier the whole game became. The only time we went in the condo was dinner, I sat at the head of the "kid's table" (yes, they still exist!) with Sean to my left and Scottie and Bobby to my right. Luckily, Scottie found a bottle of the Pinot Grigiot under the table (convenient)

This is "the wine," or at least ONE bottle of it. Please note the $4.99 price tag on the bottle. Yeah, I didn't see that until I saw this picture. I'm a class act...what can I say?

and kept me well hydrated throughout the meal. I didn't eat fact Sean ate most of my dinner, I heard later anyway, because he didn't "want me to get in trouble." Adorable. There are pictures...amazingly enough. I will share later. So after dinner, we made our way back outside. Somehow a bench appeared and I had a seat for the rest of the time there. I can't really give you a time table...all I know is that for at least the last half hour at Nana's I remember people wondering where all the wine uncle arriving...trying to call my sister, Elizabeth in Florida...and then being told it was time to leave. When you see the picture of me later, you might understand...I remember the last half hour or so's the visual I have trouble with. My cousin Gretchen asked me to stay...I graciously declined. I wanted to see my Goddaughter...because as following tradition we were still to hit at least one more house Thanksgiving Day. Over the (Charles) River and Through the (Maine) woods is more than just a my's Thanksgiving day.
I guess this is the point where my aunt told my mother to "get me in the car."

What I love is that through all mother was oblivious to my drunken bliss. She had no idea about my little wine picnic only explanation is that the condo is one level and there would be no way she could "listen at the bottom of the stairs." At any rate, "my bliss" ended about a mile down the street. Thank goodness for automatic windows. Thank goodness I still had faculty enough to hit that button before I yakked out the window to the surprise and, I'm positive, NON-delight of other holiday travelers. I have memories of bouts of mother screaming for me to be careful with the window (legend has it that I kept closing it up to my neck when needing to get sick) mother calling our next destination to let them know "Maureen isn't really feeling well...I think we're just going to call it a night"...Peggy getting absolutely LIVID (because we couldn't go to my aunt's, even though she insisted they could leave me in the car)...the stop at CVS where my father bought paper towels and a coke to settle my heaving. I took one sip and it hit the floor of Dad's car almost instantly. Almost like it was destined to happen-he thankfully had put in the winter mats so damage was least on the inside of the car. Let's just say when we arrived back in Maine, my dad dropped us off so he could bring the car to be washed. Gross.

I made my way upstairs, took one look in the mirror and just about keeled over laughing. Well, to be fair I was going to keel anyway...laughing or not. My hair was indescribably grotesque...something reminiscent of Medusa. I cleaned up, even managed a shower, and then fell into my bed. I slept for 2 hours, and woke up completely fine. No lie. My brother and cousins called later and I told them of my tumultuous journey home. They put me on speaker phone and responded in fits of laughter. I really can't blame them. Peggy is still mad to this day, and I'm sure, will keep an eye on my beverage consumption this Thursday. She doesn't need to worry...I have to drive so I'll be good. If you ever meet her, or see her...ask her about Thanksgiving 2005. She'll tell you the story-and it will probably be a lot more comical from her mouth. She tells everyone, "Merney just kept smiling at me!" Then she does "the"'s priceless.

This is the only photographic evidence of "the smile," as Peggy calls it. Notice my eyes...yeah, I couldn't see. But my hair looked kick ass...of course...this is pre-ride home, getting sick out the window at 65-70 mph. Did I say I was a class act?

So, Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I wish you all joy, love, and laughter. Have a safe one. I also hope no drunken louse pukes all over your car on 95. And if they won't be me...but f.y.i... there's an all night car wash in Kittery.


At 8:59 PM, Blogger JoviFan said...

That one-level condo really did put mary at a distinct disadvantage with the listening at the bottom of the stairs. If there had been a flight of stairs, she could have ascertained that you were drunk and put a stop to the situation.

At 7:47 AM, Blogger Meghan said...

that last pictures is priceless.... even I can tell you've had a wee bit too much!

by the way, I'm taking over-unders on how long Lorelei and Chris stay married.

At 9:07 AM, Blogger Drew said...

This is the priceless MO storytelling that keeps one in stiches the whole year through. I hope you class it up this year, drunky! :-) But then again I love the retelling of insane events that surround you when you drink. I am forever torn between the two.

At 6:00 PM, Blogger lms129 said...

I love the tale of the trashed Thanksgiving. Throwing up out the window? Francine Fishpaw would be proud. Next time you plan on boozing it up and getting sick, bring your purse.

At 11:53 AM, Blogger Juanita J. Sanchez said...

Oh...MY! That was hilarous, especially since it didn't involve ME puking out the car window. See Jovi's blog for a complete description of the last time I tried to puke out of a window (which had a screen. Oopsie.) And yes, your hair looks very kick-ass.


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