A Rant: in bulletpoint

I have some things to comment on and since I haven't ranted in awhile...sit back and enjoy the ride...

*Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey: I believe this is a plot to have to get married again so they can revive the show "Newlyweds" and enjoy their careers as America's favorite jackass couple.

*Ashlee Simpson passing out: The story changes every day...but how great would it be if she was pregnant. Joe Simpson is a lunatic, and well on his way to being voted "Worst Dad/Manager" since Macauley Culkin's dad took the title from Michael Jackson's own father. He would flip out, but he needs a wake up call...or a swift kick in the ass. I've hated him since I found out he gave his girls "chastity rings" to wear in symbol of their promise to HIM to remain "pure" until marriage. Creepy and Gross!

*Nomar going to the Dodger's: I heard someone call the Dodger's "Boston Red Sox West" the other day. They have Grady and Mueller too...perhaps Theo will don the gorilla suit in L.A.? I called Nomar the other day when all this was going down, the talk of the Yankees 1st base position was upsetting me. When we spoke I told him that the decision was basically up to him, but he would have to deal with the fact that I just couldn't have him in my life if he ever wore the Yankee uniform. It would be the ultimate in shame for him (not just the uniform, but me not talking to him), and I really didn't think that he could use anymore bad press. The big "rescue in the harbor" didn't get enough press...and the millions who read this blog everyday would follow my lead and dismiss him...was it worth it? He agreed and decided to go hang with Grady...he said that hurting me once a year and a half ago was enough for him and he couldn't do it again. Good little puppet.

*"I wish I could quit you!" : Enough on Brokeback Mountain people. It was funny when Nathan Lane did a bit on it for the Today show last week...I even smiled when E!'s The Soup did a sketch on it involving men in gorilla suits and cowboy hats...but Jim Carrey started joking about it this morning again on the Today's just enough. See it or don't...I DON'T CARE!

*Is it a law at Christmas to force tons of chocolate on co-workers and such? Leaving my Nana's the other day she gave me a hunk of fudge as big as a 3 year old. I had to use a dolly to bring it into work...and thus pass on the gift to my employees (one of them has been chipping away at it all it was not unworth the trip!) Meanwhile, my college contact just brought a wreath made entirely of chocolate that weighs so much I nearly dropped to the floor when he handed it to me! Alls I'm sayin' is...give a girl a BREAK (and not a kit-kat break!). Obviously this is a very busy time, so meals are sometimes substituted with whatever is on hand...chocolate santas, wreaths, cookies, crap!! I appreciate the handmade gifts...but do me a huge favor and just give a card...I promise's a much nicer gesture! (Oh, and this will start NEXT year as I've started making cookies for my staff..haha!!)

*Why do people in Maine drive like their driving for NASCAR in the blizzard? Cool, glad you have 4-wheel drive...I wish I did. But here's a story...some dink bombed past me when there was only ONE lane of snow cleared during the last storm. Fine-all the power to you...but where are you going that you have to be in that much of a hurry? Do you have to get the kids to school? Are you late for work? Are you or your wife in labor? Here's the thing...that's NOT COOL! If you have kids in the car, or a pregnant it really worth risking their lives to get to where you're going? If your job can't accept that you are a little late due to traffic...find another job...or contact the better business bureau because you're ridiculous. I'd rather be anywhere than in a car during a blizzard...I'd rather be at my old job locked in an office with the top evil than be in a car during a snowstorm...but I'm NOT going to risk my life or anyone elses to get there. Meanwhile, was it really worth pushing past me and blinking your lights and being an ass when the tow truck had to get you out of the ditch you spun into? WAS IT?

*Why are most college age kids so stupid? How hard of a concept is buying books? When you purchase them online, and we don't charge your card until there in (as CLEARLY stated on the page when you confirm) why do you call me and demand a supplement for your overdraft? You know the money is coming out...don't spend it? It's no ones fault but your own. Believe me, I'd love to blame it on the bank-but the real issue (and I've done it myself) is that you aren't organized and you think you're getting away with some big scandal. And be grown up enough NOT to ask your parents to call on your behalf...seriously...take responsibility and cut the frigging apron strings!

*Is it a universal requirement of every Dunkin' Donuts to have perpetually stupid people? I went this morning to be a good boss and bring coffee for my staff. I had to repeat my order twice, then 3 more times at the window. It wasn't like I was ordering for 20 people, it was 2 teas and a coffee...but for some reason the rocket scientists at DD's couldn't grasp the situation. Oh, and really, seriously, there was NO need of the sideways ponytail on the 38 year old gaptoothed (and I can only assume) woman who brought me my order piece by piece. Just NO need!

*Nip/Tuck is airing a two hour season finale this evening and I CAN'T wait! Allegedly the identity of The Carver will be revealed...I haven't a clue who it is. The people that you think it could be are too obvious...but maybe that's the surprise. I'm sad that it's the season finale because this show is phenominal...but the thing that makes me happy is that season finale means I'm closer to a season premiere for Rescue Me:) I love TV too much...and I really don't care!

*Good news...I found my copy of Napoleon Dynamite. It was hidden in a drawer (who understands how and when I would put something away!!). So fear not, I will be basking in the glow of my television watching many hours of Kip, Nap D, Lafawnduh, and Tina enjoying ham for years to come!

I think that's enough for now...I'm tired and I've still yet to write the Christmas special of the day...only a few left...I know 3 definites...but I don't know...I'm bouncing around some ideas. Hope you are enjoying your days...and nights...

Peace out!


At 7:57 AM, Blogger Drew said...

I love your rants. So awesome.

But they are a day early, because I can't imagine that you won't be commenting on the Johnny Damon Yankees traitorship. He should be on the top of your shitlist.

Also I have noticed that 18 wheelers have no regard for the speed limit, I noticed because one was giving my car a rectal exam this morning. I was going 70mph in the middle lane. Back Off.

Keep ranting Mo, we love ya!

At 12:43 PM, Blogger Mo said...

Aww...thanks Drewbie...I didn't realize you had beat me to the punch on Demon..oops...Damon. Ugh. Read above for a classic mo rant:)

At 6:35 PM, Blogger Drew said...

I wake up earlier, that is all. I leave the rant about that to you, I even directed my readers here because you sum it up much better than I do.

At 5:36 PM, Blogger lms129 said...

Yeah, these jerks in Maine drive like Dale Ernhart junior and they pull over in Hannaford to use the pk lot like a pit in the Indy 500.

I hope Johnny Damon looses his baseball powers when they shear his wig. Wouldn't it be funny if his wig has special powers and once he is shaved he can't play baseball??


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