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11.04.2005

What was I thinking?

Here's the thing, I consider myself a pretty decent person. I'll laugh at certain off-color remarks, even if I'm not supposed to. I have a good sense of humor. I don't think that anyone can argue that I'm loyal to my friends, in some cases indescribably loyal. I hate that about myself, because as much as my true friends tell me that I deserve better, for some reason I can shake this need for connection with certain people that have hurt me over and over again. I ran into a guy from high school the other day, I haven't seen him since he graduated in 1990. So fifteen years later, we have a quick reunion and so much has changed in both of our lives. I gave him the obligatory "it was good to see you," he gave me the obligatory "we should get together now that your back in town." Nice of him, but we both know it will never happen...and that's fine. When I got home I started to think about "the good times" we had way back when. Being older (and I think a little wiser), I remembered that the "good times" were few and far between. It was mostly because he was after one of my best friends, and figured "hang out with Mo and get to see so and so more." Awesome. But I refuse to be one of those people who goes on Maury Povich to fight the person who hurt thier feelings years ago. I have to grow up and get over it. But I realize that some of my current so called "friendships" leave me with the feelings much the same as those I had in high school. Some are a little worse because being an adult I realize I've been completely taken advantage of. My real friends are absolutely right, I deserve better. I don't need to make the effort any more, because it's either completely ignored or ridiculed in some way.

You think I didn't know...but I do. Keep blasting me behind my back...keep secrets from me...keep thinking you're better than me. It's really ok to do that because deep down you have to resolve yourself to the FACT that you are just miserable and spiteful, and the only one to blame for that is yourself. Blame me for ridiculous issues you have in your personal life, blame me for things you don't want to take the blame for. Take a good hard look at the person you are...do you really blame me for wanting NOTHING to do with you. I have much better people to focus my energy on. You're probably laughing right now...you probably think I'm being ridiculous...enjoy it because it's the last laugh you'll have at my expense. Any questions? Refer to the title of the blog...I'm done.

1 Comments:

At 7:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hope I count as a real friend...
Love you! Maggie

 

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